Anxiety!

Ok second post today, only emphasises just how I am feeling. No response from him since 8am this morning. I know I need to let it be and a part of me knows I can. But another part of me wants to drive down there and have it out with him!

I have been here before. The weekend before girls weekend, so it was like 3 weeks ago, I didn't hear from him for pretty much the whole week. Actually, yeah, it was July 4th week, so like a week after I had met him for a drink. We talked a little on Monday and Tuesday, barely at all over the next few days and then that weekend not at all until late on the Saturday I text him about the Red Sox beating the Yankees and he finally replied and asked me about my weekend. Then that Sunday, I swore on my ride home that I was done being made to feel like this, feeling like I meant nothing to him at all. I asked him to call me but doubted that he would. But then he did, and we were on the phone for almost an hour. Then when we hung up he text me and told me good it always was to hear my voice and how he always fell asleep happier after speaking to me. That was it! I was sucked right back in. We texted constantly right up until he left last week and now this. It's the cycle again! But this time it just feels so much worse! I hate this feeling. Last time it happened I felt ok with telling him I was done. But the thought of telling him that this time is way too much to comprehend! If this was the end of it I would be completely devastated! I at least want to have the chance to go to Maine with him next month, spend the day together, as friends, and if he is still ok to walk away from me at the end of the day I think I will just let him go. I need to, for my own health. This depression he is causing me hurts more than anything I have ever experienced!

We'll see what happens. At the end of the day we have plans. They are not set in stone, but I would at least hope he would either make an effort to confirm or cancel, I at least think he is that much of a good guy.

Of course all of this could be down to pure circumstance as well. He could have really been crazy busy yesterday and simply not had time to text. Now he is home and seeing as its the end of the week, I am guessing his wife if off work due to their vacation, and he won't text me while he is with her. I mean he has done in the past, but usually he respects her enough not to when they are together. This weekend, hopefully Sunday, we will have a chance to catch up properly and get past all this crappyness!