Meh....

I wasn't sure I was going to update this today but thought that by typing I might help myself escape the feeling of 'meh' that has decended over me this morning

I don't really know how I feel today. The high of the weekend has started to ware off, as I expected it to, and my thoughts are starting to turn back to him. I am striving really hard not to think about it, and for the most part, I am doing pretty well. But every now and then I do think about him and the situation at hand, and I start to get a little anxious. I want to text him, but at the same time, I know that because I can't, and he has asked me not to for a few days, I feel almost relieved when I decide I shouldn't and I almost enjoy the break. It's a really odd feeling. As I have said before, we have plans to talk of Saturday and I will hopefully find out what the future holds for our friendship. I am a little nervous that we are going to have to call it a day. I am really hoping we still get to take our trip we were planning, but I have pretty much reserved myself to the idea that the possibility of it happening now is very slim. So much so that I have made other plans that weekend now anyway.

So who knows how I am feeling. Odd to say the least. I guess I should be grateful that I'm not feeling as low as I was, maybe this is my subconcious way of starting to heal? I don't know. But like I said, I'm not complaining about it, just hoping that it stays at least as barable as this from here on out. Everything is out of my control. He is going to do whatever is best for him, and whatever I do it going to have no affect on that. If it was ever going to it would have done by now.

I booked my motorcycle training class. I am starting to get a little concerned about my mounting credit card debt. This is the worst it has been in a long time, since moving here. I have plans to pay about half of it off this week when I get paid. Its a bonus paycheck month this month which helps a lot. So the motorcycle class and everything that will be neccessary gear wise will bring my card balance up to about $800 after everything is paid and I have paid off some of the bills. Not a huge debt but more than I would like to owe. If I pay some off every week, as much as I could afford, I could probably have that paid off by Christmas, but it would mean putting my bike purchase off until next spring. I really didn't want to wait that long, but it is the sensible thing to do. My other option is to take a little longer to pay down my debt and get payments on a bike now. But with insurance and everything else that would stretch my finances a little thin. Or I guess I could get a temporary second job to pay down the debt. Definitely don't really want to go that way, I enjoy my spare time. I think the smartest option is to cut back on my spending and start to pay down my cards, put the bike purchase off for a while, and just get my license out of the way. At least going it this way I will have my license all ready when I get around to getting my bike next summer. Need to crunch some more numbers and see if it would be at all possible this summer but I'm ok to wait if need be. I am taking the class on the weekend of the 18th and 19th, and if all goes well I will get my license that day. Then I'll be all set to either get a bike then, or wait a little while to pay down some of my debt. Which ever way it works out I'm wicked excited to finally be doing this!!!

Hoping the rest of this week goes by fast. I want to just get in my car and get down to Allentown to see my friends and enjoy a weekend of relaxation and drum corps. DCI East is my favourite weekend of the year and this year is very very much needed after recent events! I need a break from the man drama, and although the plan is for us to speak Saturday, until then I will get to enjoy a carefree weekend. I'm headed out Thursday after work. Not looking forward to traffic, but definitely looking forward to kicking back PA style and slowing down a little from MA life. Massachusetts can be a very fast and busy place to live! I love it, don't get me wrong, but a break every now and then is definitely very welcome.

K I'm hungry, headed out to get some lunch. Typing this has helped a little :) glad I took the time