Thinking Positive Thoughts

I am so tired of thinking negatively! So I am going to try really hard to do something about it. This whole thing thats been going on for the last 10 months has gotten out of hand and should never have affected me like it has. I almost feel like a lost an entire year of my life, my last year of my 20s, and I hate that it feels wasted. But when I catch myself thinking like that I have to stop and think of a few things positively about this year:

• I probably wouldn't have moved back to Massachusetts if he hadn't contacted me back in November. If that had been the case I would still be working a crappy job and living in a dingy apartment in a crummy town with no hope for my future. As much as I know I moved for the wrong reasons, at least now I see the hope of raising my children one day in New England, so they can have a similarly cultural start to what I had in life. Raising my children in the Lehigh Valley didn't even bare thinking about
• I have made some great new friends since moving here, and become closer with old friends
• I am living in a part of the world that I find exciting. Despite the difficult memories that I see every day, I love living here, and I know that I am where I belong

So those are just a few positives that I am trying to take away from 2012. And it's only August. My favourite part of the year is still to come, and who knows what it will bring with it. A year ago I was in an unhappy crumbling relationship, making barely any money, and killing myself with classes towards a degree that realistically, I didn't ever see myself finishing. Now I am a much happier person. I love who I am becoming, strong and independant. I know that I owe a lot of that feeling to him. He liked me for who I was, and if situations were different, I know he would have loved me for who I was. Just knowing I can have that affect on someone as amazing as him gives me the confidence to acomplish a lot in life. I know he admires me for my acomplishments and I am beginning to see the pride myself. I am kind of seeing someone, I don't know if we have reached that couple status yet, or if we will, but I enjoy spending time with him and it seems he feels the same way. It's nice to have someone to make plans with again, even if it is just as friends with benefits. Friends with benefits don't normally snuggle, but I won't get too wrapped up in that ;)

So plans for the next year or so (realistic plans):

• Make the most of winterguard season and my first winter without school for a while. At the moment I have three options open to me which are actually all possible. Teaching Blessed Sac Open and Acton High School and also marching in the World guard. It would take up ALL of my spare time, but I would be doing something I loved, so maybe that is worth it! We will see. I have a feeling I will end up doing just two of the above, just not sure which two yet
• Get through my 30th birthday and realise that it's not a huge deal. Yes a lot of my friends are settled down, having babies and growing up, but I need to remember that a lot of them are not. And the one who I get the most jealous of is struggling to build a life that he has huge doubts about. If that's what I am jealous of then I definitely have some issues. I may be a late starter, but I will get there. 30 is just a number!
• Get in shape. I know this is a goal that so many people have, but I really want to get in shape and feel good about myself! And I want to do it properly! I want to feel good about my health and the way I look. I need to start eating right and exercise. I know I can. I just need a plan and I need to stop being lazy!
• Go back to school and get my degree from UMass Lowell. I think that by going to a real school that actually has a real program for students like me will make a huge difference. I am detirmind to get my Bachelors of Science in Mathematics with maybe a minor in education. Projected start date right now will be the fall of 2013 but I am also going to see if starting in the spring might be an option. I just need to get my act together and apply!
• Save up some money. I applied for a part time job at Target. Obviously with the schedule I will be keeping if I do all the teaching I plan to do that won't be an option, but I need to figure out a way to make some extra money. Also I need to stop spending so lavishly. I know the summers are usually expensive, and if I'm at rehearsal all day on a weekend I won't be spending, but I need to make a concious effort to save!
• Just enjoy life a little more. I am still so young! I need to stop worrying about what others have and what I feel I am missing. I have a lot to be thankful for and I have achieved things others probably couldn't even dream of! I need to be thankful and proud of that!

And to make this day even better I just got a text telling me there is a chance we might be going to the Sox game tonight!!! This day just got awesome!!! Fingers crossed we can get some tickets.

Here's to a positive outlook and turning my life around for the last three months of 2012 and my last three months of my 20s. No one is going to take this precious time away from me anymore!