And boy am I glad! I just want to get in my car and get away for the weekend! I need a break from life. I love living in Mass but I am pretty excited to get back to the slower relaxed pace of Pannsylvania and the life I had down there. Don't get me wrong, I am so pleased I moved up here. My life was going no where fast living down there. All I did was work and go home. I made terrible money and barely scraped by. I had no opportunity to do anything apart from work and colourguard. Since moving up here I haven't sat still. I have been all over New England, having adventures and meeting new people. But I am looking forward to seeing some old friendly faces. That is the hardest thing about living up here. I feel like the closest I have to family over here all live in Pennsylvania and to see them this weekend is going to be similar to the feeling most people get when they go back to the town where they grew up. I know Allentown is not my home, but I spent over 2 years living there and made a lot of memories. Nothing major happened in my life while I was there, but it was a recovery period that I needed after my marriage and it served as exactly what it needed to be. I didn't realise it at the time, but I recovered a lot while I was living there, and for that reason, it will always feel somewhat like home.
I paid off all my credit cards today. It was scarey to see all the numbers on paper. I am now left with less than $200 in my savings account! I pray nothing happens that means I need to spend any large sums of money. On the other hand, my credit cards are now completely paid off. I need to budget for some thrifty weeks ahead. No more blowing vast sums of money on drinking on the weekends. That needs to stop now! And I need to cut back on the amount I eat out! It has been getting out of hand. Before I moved I survived on sometimes as little as $150 a week, with around $50 of that going on gas. Now, unless I take a trip on the weekend, my a single tank of gas, costing around $40 can last me nearly 2 weeks. On top of that my weekly budget is currently around $260. So in theory, I should be a lot better off. But the security of having more money led me to spend a lot more, and I have been finding that I am running out just as fast. I need to put a stop to that! After this weekend away I am cutting my spending budget, to include gas and food, to $200. This will mean I am able to put away around $200 a month to help get my savings account back up and looking a little healthier. But it means I need to reconsider my budget and cut back on the drinking, eating out and expensive coffees in the morning. If I could survive on so little before I moved here I can do it again, and I should still be able to enjoy myself once in a while, just not every day like I have recently.
I know I can't go without mentioning how I am feeling about him today. I know I am feeling better but it's because of the prospect of a weekend away, distractions and that I should get to talk to him in less than two days. I hope its not just a quick conversation but that we actually get to talk and get our friendship back on track. Thats all I want!!! I don't want a relationship with him all the time he is a married man, and I also don't want to come between him and his wife. I just want to speak to, and occasionally, spend time with my friend, someone who I feel comfortable talking to about anything and who, up until recently, thought would always be there for me no matter what. I think he still is that person deep down, but that he needs some time to fix something pretty major in his life. If he thinks that his and my friendship puts his marriage in jeapody then I will regretfully step away and leave him be, I just desperately hope it doesn't come to that, and I also really REALLY hope we can still take the trip we were planning to Maine in a couple of weeks. Only time will tell and hopefully our converstation on Saturday will help things become a little clearer.
So just a few more hours and I'm out of here for the weekend. I cannot wait!! Actually even looking forward to the drive believe it or not. It's about 6 hours give or take and I am going to be leaving in rush hour so I really hope it isn't too busy. I am just going to cruise with my windows open and some music playing and enjoy the scenery along the way. Trying out a different route once I'm through Connecticut so we will see how it works out.
Anyways, best get back to work. I sometimes feel like I could write forever on this thing. Odd considering I'm pretty sure no one will ever read it, maybe thats why I find it so easy to lay it all out in the open here.
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